Tikkabik

So the news channels are reporting on a brawl in the Orlando, Fla. Wal-Mart. The annual insanity has begun: Black Friday is here. Lovely.

Today is the one day of the year (well, this and the weekend before Christmas) Bonnie and I have foresworn to stay the hell away from any mall or cluster of stores likely to attract shoppers. It's an ugly, ugly scene -- the worst of conspicuous consumerism.

Of course, the Boston Globe gave us a special holiday edition of the newspaper yesterday, chock full of circulars trumpeting Black Friday sales. Frankly, I find most of it unremarkable, even electronics, which are supposed to be the one big growth area this season. Most of the good "deals" offered by the major retailers are nested within manufacturer's rebates, or mail-in rebates to the retailer themselves -- often tying up hundreds of your dollars for weeks or months while making you jump through hoops to get it back.

After she showed me what looked like good deals on projection TVs, remote control robots and some other extravagances, I've already told Bonnie that I won't be buying anyone in our family any big-ticket items for Christmas this year, although I would like to buy us a new bed. We've been sleeping on the same mattress and box spring since before we had kids, and its age is showing -- both of us wake up with bad backaches and lower back/leg pain almost every day.

Even then, though, the deals I'm seeing in the paper are all conditional on coming in today or tomorrow, or bringing coupons with me -- screw that. I'm not up for the hassle of jockeying for a parking space and being stuck in a crowded department store with shoppers in the midst of a psychotic spending spree. I'll go when I find a good deal at a place I can bear to be at.

Otherwise, there will be no new game consoles, no new home entertainment equipment, no new frivolous electronic gadgets that bleep and bloop and generally piss me off, and none of the usual shenanigans this holiday season. We've told the kids to make their lists, and keep it to what they really, really want and need this holiday season, within reasonable limits. They understand the reality of the situation, so hopefully it'll go smoothly.