Tikkabik

My universe is made up of three kinds of people: Those who like Coke, those who like Pepsi, and those who don't like either Coke or Pepsi. Most of the time I only concern myself with the first two.

Me, I'm a Coke guy. Can't tell you why. Maybe Coke was disproportionately available in the areas I grew up. But I can tell you this: When I taste it now, I think Pepsi is hideous. Diet Pepsi is moderately better. I don't even mind Pepsi One.

Ever since I was diagnosed with diabetes, I've made a conscious effort to exorcise sugary drinks from my diet. But I still like the occasional soda. So I switched some time ago to Diet Coke.

Diet Coke is okay, but it's a pale shadow of Coke. The taste and texture is entirely different. Sure, it's still dark brown. Sure, it's still bubbly. Sure, it's still refreshing. But Diet Coke has a harsh bitterness to it that regular Coke doesn't have. Undoubtedly the result of the aspartame used to sweeten it. Unfortunately, that bitterness also changes completely the Coke tasting experience.

So it was with some interest that I tried Diet Coke with Splenda last week. We had a coupon for it so I figured I'd pick up a 2-liter bottle. I was amazed. Gone is the bite of Diet Coke. It tastes just like Coke. Only it's low-calorie. It is truly a miracle of modern science and food chemistry.

Splenda tastes much like sugar but without the calories -- it's based on a chemical called acesulfame potassium, as I understand it, and I have no doubt that an arcane chemical process is used to refine the product that would terrify me to the very depths of my soul if i understood it. It is with calm awareness that I suspect this product will give me cancer of the urethra, advanced Parkinson's-like symptoms and erectile dysfunction within a couple of decades since it's been approved by the FDA, and we all know what their track record is like.

In the interim, I remain blissfully ignorant. It's almost like drinking The Real Thing(tm) again.