Tikkabik

here we go. ten things to be grateful for.

1. you are a blonde. generally I loathe blondes but evidently you have more fun. also, if Hitler came back from the dead to rule America (as some maintain has already happened) you would do just fine and probably even be issued a spiffy uniform with large epaulettes. And women love a man in uniform, which is why all those fast-food guys are getting nooky-nooky-nooky. And you could send all those brown people in your neighborhood off to unenlightened impure places like Canada so there would be lots of jobs in fast food establishments for you and your family for generations to come.

2. you are not smelling my cats breath as she yawns in your face as you are sitting at your computer.

3. you are a man. this means you can wear basically the same clothes every day of your life and still be considered put-together. if you drop your child off at school wearing matching shoes you are considered a superhuman parenting protege. you can pee standing up. nobody expects you to understand.

4. you live in America, which, despite its obvious complications, generally means that you won't spend much of your life lining up for bags of moldy cornmeal with flies laying eggs around your eyes and your children dropping dysentery on your bare feet, which are cracked and bleeding because you've eaten all the moisturizer.

5. you have three great kids, which means no shortage of people you can call upon to change your Depends in later life.

6. you have a flush toilet. ponder, for a moment, how this fixture improves your life.

7. you live near the ocean. thus, should you ever wish to end it all, you could do so in a truly great setting. you even stand some chance of being rescued by a life-guard with bodacious ta-tas.

8. you are literate. that means you don't have to grocery shop according to the pictures and you get to while away your hours living the leisurely life of a man of letters, as opposed to, say, breaking rocks with a hammer.

9. you understand that the vast majority of palatable food in the world is made by non-white people and so are not going to spend your fourscore or so playing this round while masticating nothing but cabbage and potatoes.

10. you are loved, well, ok, appreciated, well, alright, endured by your friends and family and generally thought of as one hell of a great bastard.

Happy Birthday Sweetie