Tikkabik

So we have this '89 Ford Aerostar not unlike this one (except it's blue) that I bought for a song about 18 months ago when our previous car died. The director of my daughter's preschool took pity on us; she'd wanted to trade it in for something better, so she sold it to us for less than she probably could have gotten on a trade-in.

I love the size of this van. It's an XLT model, which means that it has room for seven passengers and plenty of space for cargo too. It's only a few inches shy of a Chevy Suburban for length. It's costly to operate in terms of fuel consumption -- generally between 18-20MPG -- and not the most luxurious ride out there, but Bonnie and I both love the space.

If I consider what this vehicle cost to buy and maintain, and amortize that amount over 18 months, it turns out that I spend more on my phone bill every month than I do on my van. I don't really feels like the Aerostar "owes" me anything. It's decrepit, however.

There's body rot running along the wheel wells and underneath the slider on the passenger's side, where the kids egress. This rust got a lot worse after we got the van, as it had lived most of its previous life safely ensconced in a garage. The A/C doesn't work, and is too expensive to refit with non-Freon based refrigerant to be a worthwhile endeavor. It burns (and leaks) a bit of oil. In the wintertime, the transmission slips when it's cold.

I've asked those who know about Aerostars of this vintage what I can do. And they've told me that outside of rebuilding the engine and transmission, not a hell of a lot -- and with the car rusting out from underneath, I'm not really inclined to sink a lot more money into it. It shudders and shakes harshly at high speeds; I suspect it's also badly in need of some suspension and alignment work, and definitely requires a new pair of front tires. For the combined cost of all that work, I could easily buy this van over again.

So far, it's broken down on me three times: Twice with overheating problems, and once this morning. It cut out as I was driving back from Yarmouth, and stalled. I got it restarted and drove it another mile, and it died again, and this time didn't restart. I had to have it towed to Hyannis -- only a couple of miles -- to have a mechanic look at it.

Sometime after the last overheating experience, which occurred in February, I began to get worried. That worry hasn't gone away, and it gets worse every time I get in the van and take it someplace. "Will it break down again, this time?" I ask myself. "What's that noise? Is that a new problem, bump or shudder?" So, driving has gone from a fairly enjoyable recreational activity and a necessary endeavor to an exercise in paranoia and fear.

If it was just my car, I'd probably just deal with it. But the problem is it's the family car. It's what Bonnie carts the kids to and from special activities in. It's what she takes out when she wants to bring our neighbor shopping. That implies a certain reliability or a certain dependability, or at least a certain self-reliance on us to fix it when things break down, which neither she nor I possess.

So, I face this conundrum: I can't afford a new car and don't want to keep fixing this thing. What should I do?