In defense of Dunkin' Donuts
So my friend Corey recently insulted a fine New England institution: Dunkin' Donuts. He likened their coffee to swill.
This is the same guy who was beside himself for days when his wife used his coffee bean grinder to grind spices instead. So clearly he's got more sophisticated tastes than I do when it comes to coffee. I buy it pre-ground, in a bag, by the pound.
From Dunkin' Donuts.
Now, I recognize that Dunkin' Donuts isn't the best coffee in the world. I've had a lot of better cups elsewhere. But I was raised on the stuff. I've been drinking Dunkin' Donuts coffee for as long as I've been drinking coffee, so I associate Dunkin' Donuts' blend of beans with home.
More than a decade ago I was living in California, where Dunkin' Donuts were -- and still are, largely -- a rarity. Sure, there were Winchells and other spots around, but Dunkin' Donuts, no.
So when I was cruising around one afternoon and I saw one, I almost caused a traffic accident reversing direction across a six-lane thoroughfare to pull into the parking lot. I ran in, ordered myself up a medium regular, and sipped.
I practically puked on the spot. It was then I saw a sign that has been burned into my memory:
We proudly serve Maxwell House brand coffee.
The horror. The horror. The franchising bastards didn't bother to get the real stuff. And they dared call themselves a Dunkin' Donuts.
One of the first things I did when I moved back to New England a few months later was to get myself a cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Like I said, it's a taste of home.
I learned when I was a teenager that "regulah" means different things in Dunkin' Donuts in different regions. Walk in to any Dunkin' Donuts in Mass., for example, and ask for a "medium, regulah." You'll get it only one way: Swimming with an aorta-blocking amount of cream and enough sugar to give you periodontitis on the spot. I'm serious: It's enough to give the coffee a totally different texture, more like syrup. It's good to warm you up on a cold February morning, though, especially when your metabolism is that of a sixteen year old. I miss those days.
Go to New York, though, and they'll give you the same thing black, no sugar. Weird.
Now, Dunkin' Donuts donuts, on the other hand, are ass. Total ass. Their breakfast sandwiches are passable, but their donuts are usually stale, tasteless lumps of lard and sugared icing that leave you craving a high colonic afterwards, just to shake the suspicion that you've just lubricated your digestive tract with enough grease to unsqueak the hinges of a thousand rusty gates.
The other odd thing about Dunkin' Donuts -- especially in Mass. -- is how ubiquitous they are. Dunkin' Donuts are as common in Mass. suburbs as ATMs, and usually more plentiful than McDonalds or any other fast food chain. Heck, my town -- a burg more than an hour outside Boston -- has two Dunkin' Donuts. I'm pretty sure we only have two stop lights in town.
Comments
I have to agree with you Peter, I pass numerous Starbucks, and fancy independent cafes on my walk to work every morning. Now, usually I just get deli coffee, (and not just because the cashier in this one deli is stunning beautiful). But when my route takes me by the Dunkin Donuts on 14th Street, I'm there. I think they must pre-sweeten the coffee somehow... that shit is smooth.
The Coolata however is nasty.
Posted by: Colin | May 27, 2003 04:35 PM
Donut nirvana remains a distant dream for Cape Cod and the Islands: "There are no [Krispy Kreme] franchise opportunities available in the United States"
(http://www.krispykreme.com/us.html)
Posted by: Capecoder | May 27, 2003 05:34 PM
I've heard that coffee in New England is worlds different than coffee in New York, and I have no trouble believing that. I tried Dunkin Donuts just outside of Rochester and it was *swill*. I am willing to entertain that the Dunkin Donuts in your area may be markedly different. I will not, however, bend on the notion that in the great state of New York, Dunkin Donuts is pure garbage.
Posted by: Corey | May 27, 2003 06:47 PM
Coolatas and Frappucinos are two other high-fat items that, strange as it may sound for someone with bacon-scented blood, have no place in my dietary lexicon. I've tried 'em, and I don't like 'em. They don't do anything for me -- they're so thick and so cloyingly sweet that I don't find them even remotely refreshing, even on a sweltering hot day.
Even iced coffee, which is another New England establishment, misses me on those days, though I'll prefer to have one instead of my morning cuppa if it's really bad out. For me, brewed, unsweetened iced tea is where it's at when it comes to cold liquid refreshment.
Posted by: Flargh | May 27, 2003 08:22 PM
Colin, that deli coffee wouldn't happen to be from the place on 23rd you took me back in August, would it?
Because if it is, I am so telling her you've got the hots for her.
Posted by: Dan Dickinson | May 27, 2003 11:19 PM
I loooooooove dunkin donuts!! I'm an hour out of Boston too, where are you??
Posted by: carol | May 29, 2003 10:20 PM
MY GAWD! I live in the outskirts of Seattle and I STILL miss and yearn for Dunkin Donuts coffee..sigh........
Posted by: SondraK | May 29, 2003 10:25 PM
Carol:
A couple of us are down on the Cape. Others are from spots all over.
Posted by: Flargh | May 30, 2003 10:27 AM
I'm near Worcester. 3 DD in 10 minutes!!
Posted by: carol | May 30, 2003 02:35 PM
Are there any stores in So.California?
Their Store Locator at their site is no help.
Posted by: Kathleen | November 1, 2004 04:32 AM