Tikkabik

Sometimes it pays to tell companies what's on your mind.

So, Dan and Corey will tell you that I'm a Hot Pockets whore. I love Hot Pockets. Hot Pockets and the microwave oven are, unquestionably in my mind, one of the finest technological achievements of the last 50 years.

For the uninitiated, Hot Pockets are sandwiches you stick in the microwave. You slip them into cardboard sleeves lined with a reflective material, heat them for about three minutes, and get a hot, tasty sandwich in return.

Chef America, a division of Nestle Foods, has created dozens of different variations, when you consider the different Hot Pocket-related brands: There's the original Hot Pockets, Lean Pockets, Hot Pockets Toaster Pizza, Hot Pockets Toaster Melts, Breakfast Hot Pockets, Hot Pockets Pizza Minis, and Croissant Pockets. They come in many different flavors -- meatball and cheese. Ham and cheese. Pepperoni pizza. Philly Cheese Steak. All of them combine meat, cheese and pastry together in a delectable combination that fills my tummy with the warm glow of love. Well, that and irradiated food.

One day, bored and in a fit of near-hallucinatory reverence brought on by the consumption of a pair of tasty, warm and flaky Ham and Cheese Croissant Pockets, I sent Chef America an e-mail to the tune of "OMFG I LOEV HOT PCOKETS THEIR MY SOUL REASON 4 LIEVING."

Like I said, I was tripping on the nitrates at the time.